5 Ways to Overcome Your Resistance to Change

When it comes to change, we tend to think of it as either frightening or exciting. Those are two powerful emotions! And, amazingly, change is a combination of both.

When we first enter adulthood, we're forced to change into mature, functioning grownups. Leaving childhood behind means changing in huge ways, and it's scary, exciting, and we're (likely) better for it.

But then we get older and set in our ways – and change starts to feel dangerous. The fear of the unknown takes over, and we dig our heels into our routines and ways of thinking. In fact, change is often scarier than fixing dysfunctional behavior; even when we know we'd be happier, more fulfilled, and better off for it

That's not a headspace you want to be in. Don't wait until change is absolutely crucial, start the moment it pops into your head.

How? That's what I'm here for! Here are five considerations to help you overcome our natural resistance to change:

1. Understand the Consequence of Staying Unchanged

You need to have a clear image of what will happen—both for you and to you—if you decide not to change something. When you can slow down and play the tape forward, you can see how your behavior will continue to negatively affect you and, potentially, others.

2. DESIRE the Change that YOU Need

In case you couldn't tell, the two keywords there are "YOU" and "DESIRE." You cannot change for anyone else – it must be because you want it. And when it comes to desire, there needs to be some forward-motion energy behind the decision.

3. Go for Bite-Sized Goals

Figure out ways to change using baby steps. For example, let’s say you’re trying to cut back on caffeine. Instead of going cold turkey and suffering caffeine withdrawal, taper back one cup at a time, and ween yourself off. Rome wasn’t built in a day – and neither will ending a dependency.

4. Identify Your Reward System

When going through a behavior overhaul, you need to be encouraged and acknowledged by yourself and others. Some of us need words of affirmation; others need to treat ourselves here and there as a reward. Celebrate every accomplishment. Relish every validation. You can overcome anything with the right support system, even if it's from within.

5. Track Your Results

Remember: baby steps. Giving up something we're used to is uncomfortable at first, and the positive effects might take some time to illuminate. Take notes on how you feel. Track little (physical, emotional, social) changes that you see. Every so often, take some time to look at all the progress you have made.

Keeping your progress written down will help you stay on track! (It always does.)

Getting Started

In the long run, you can’t (nor should you) change for anyone else. What it truly takes is your own willpower to make a shift.

But! And this is a big but, I cannot lie:

You can take advice and encouragement from those around you! When you decide that you're ready to embark on this journey, ask for help. Let someone who loves and supports you to hold you accountable. It's a free, meaningful, and effective tool to help keep you moving in the right direction.

A Field Guide to Pain and Suffering

Haruki Murakami: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

This complicated life that we lead is incredibly painful. Loss, grief, anger, transition…all things that cause us to stretch and grow also cause emotional discomfort. In fact, even the most beautiful experiences can feel bittersweet at times. Yet, when we try to avoid pain, we find ourselves experiencing a different type of discomfort: the sadness of a life not fully lived. As the quote says: “pain is inevitable” and that means there is no way around it. The only way is THROUGH.

Why Do You Feel That Way?

We are living in divisive times, and we can see this division being played out right before our very eyes. And you know why? Because, no matter the topic, we tend to default to a place of defensive communication, as opposed to leaning into curiosity and feelings.

The Anecdote to Boredom: Curiosity!

This time in quarantine has forced most of us to remain extra still and spend concentrated time with ourselves without distraction. Even though many of us remain busy with home/work/life balance, when that winds down each day, we don’t have the typical outlets to entertain ourselves, and therefore, the word “bored” is getting thrown around quite often.

When is "Check-out" Time?

How often do you “check out?” I would imagine that it’s much more than you are actually aware of. And you know what? That’s not always such a bad thing? If you’ve ever driven somewhere stone-cold sober and arrived at your destination questioning how you got there, or what the drive was like, then you have most definitely clocked out early.

"Semper Gumby"

If you, or someone close to you is a member of the United States Marine Corps, (first of all, thank you for your service) and second, then you are most likely familiar with the unofficial Latin motto “Semper Gumby.” Referring to the adorable, green, animated clay character Gumby, it means "Always Flexible” and encourages one’s ability to roll with the punches and go with the flow.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (and Sometimes...Dumber)

It is truly amazing that humans have the capacity to actually forget what some pain feels like. It’s what allows us to continue to populate the earth. Can you imagine if women could physically recall the full pain of childbirth?! We might become a world of only children!

Slow and Steady Wins the Quarantine Race

We all understand the severity of changes that this pandemic has brought into our households, with each family facing their own unique set of challenges and dynamics. Relationships are being tested and strained in a variety of different ways, all while we try to manage our individual baseline level of added stress.

Preparing for Change

Change is coming. How do I know? Because it always is. Whether something happy or catastrophic, change is always around the corner, and it's up to us to be prepared for what that might mean. Here's how to be emotionally ready no matter what change the world throws our way.

How to Always Feel Relevant...

I'll often ask my clients, "What do you want?" Sounds simple, right? But the most honest answer to that question often takes deep thought, especially when it relates to your happiness. In the end, and (very) generally speaking, the answers fall under feeling relevant, mattering to someone, and being part of a larger purpose.

Do You Throw the Baby Out?

Have you ever heard the expression, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater”? It means you shouldn’t throw out the good while getting rid of the bad. And whenever I see an internet meme that complains about how long January felt, I think of those wise words.

Alexis MaronAugust 23, 2019Life HacksComment