Choosing to Love Someone – Even When Your Loved Ones Don’t Like Them
They say that love should be easy, but that’s a myth. The truth is, love is all about CHOICES, and the choice to love on a daily basis isn’t always easy. At the most basic level, you have the choice to stay or leave, but to stay often means choosing to set boundaries, push the envelope, hold strong, and so on.
However, one of the hardest times to love someone is when others in your life don’t like them. Your family may have an issue with them, your friends might not “get” them, and when you don’t get the support of those you love, it can be isolating. Suddenly, you’re choosing between one or the other, and that’s a difficult situation – to say the least.
This is a situation where the choice to love feels especially prominent in the relationship. Thankfully, you can choose to love both! The trick is to shift your perspective to avoid feeling trapped between the loves of your life.
Don’t Isolate
When you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially when it comes to emotions, you might want to shut down and go rogue. It can feel easier to just bounce ideas off of your own brain instead of relying on the opinion of someone else who might disagree. But, it’s never a good idea to just stop relating. Keep connections alive, even if it’s just in smaller doses here and there.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
Remember: who you love is who you love – and sometimes that’s impossible to explain. You should never feel the need to defend your love interest to those who love you. As long as YOU are truly happy, that should be enough for anyone who cares about you.
Don’t Engage in Battle
The last thing you want is to feel like you have to take sides when it comes to choosing between a lover or friends and family. The best way to stay neutral is to do exactly that: stay neutral. Don’t play sides, and avoid pitting sides against each other by being careful about what you share. These people love you and want the best for you, but they likely don’t agree on all the specifics.
DO Encourage Communication
If you reach a point where you know you want your partner to join your family, it might be time to offer a space for everyone to communicate and clear the air. You can suggest counseling, or that the friends and family sit down together and express their feelings in a safe environment where no one feels attacked.
Each side wants to know that your best interest is in mind. So if that can be agreed upon, then it may be the way forward!
Love is unpredictable, and we often have no idea when and where the feeling comes from. But when we’re suddenly in love, it means making BIG choices. It’s a feeling worth embracing – and requires some patience.
t’s important not to lose sight of the fact that love is neither easy nor hard, it just IS. Now, choosing what to do with that love? That’s the hard part. But when it’s worth it, nothing is more valuable.
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We are living in divisive times, and we can see this division being played out right before our very eyes. And you know why? Because, no matter the topic, we tend to default to a place of defensive communication, as opposed to leaning into curiosity and feelings.