Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (and Sometimes...Dumber)
It is truly amazing that humans have the capacity to actually forget what some pain feels like. It’s what allows us to continue to populate the earth. Can you imagine if women could physically recall the full pain of childbirth?! We might become a world of only children!
In this unique time of quarantine, no one is exempt from missing something or someone. You might have a running list of the things that you cannot wait to get back to, and the people you cannot wait to reunite with. In this mindset, we tend to romanticize things and the way they make us feel…truly looking through rose-colored glasses. Where that can be a wonderful coping mechanism in some cases, it can also skew reality, and lead to some risky choices moving forward.
Psychologically speaking, we have all been forced into a break-up with something that we love! When something is taken from us, it is natural to go into fight mode, and to focus only on the positive things that we remember. That’s why, after a romantic break-up, we get so tempted to go back with the person--we are flooded with happy memories in an attempt to repair the hurt of the loss. It’s a Jedi mind-trick that we play on ourselves to avoid more pain.
So, this forced down-time is the perfect opportunity to take stock of what you’re truly missing and to figure out the “why,” as opposed to missing something just out of habit, and potentially going back to it out of discomfort.
For example, let’s say that you are longing to go back to your favorite restaurant. Totally understandable that you want to get out of the house and eat someone else’s food for a bit, but beyond that, what is it about that particular place that you miss?
Does it represent something more to you…a sentimental memory attached?
Is it part of your routine? Just something to do?
Was it a place to connect to someone?
Is it the people who work there?
Is it a comfortable place away from home?
Often times, when we really get down to the root of why we miss something, we realize that it’s simply missing the habit of having something to do…it often comes from repairing boredom, and so we have overly-romanticized the person or the place.
On the other hand, in asking yourself questions similar to those above you can come to understand that something means more to you than meets the eye, and maybe there is another way to have that need met. Perhaps it’s not the food or the routine, and that you actually miss the people who work there or the memories associated with being there. If that’s the case, there are actions you can take to soothe the longing…reach out and say hi! Commiserate!
I dare you to be critical of someone/something that you are missing right now…it’s an interesting exercise to test how you are truly feeling! Long story short, as we start to peak our heads back out into society, remember that you don’t HAVE to go back to anything…this can be a fresh new start.
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