If Jealousy Rules The Roost, It's Time To Give It The Boot!
Jealousy has been named the only vice that gives us no pleasure.
If the green eyed-monster has taken up residence in your body, and refuses to leave, then you have to find some way to serve it an eviction notice! It might respond with some nasty retort: “So, you want to get rid of me? Well you better talk to my roommate, Insecurity, too and tell him to get up off the couch as well.” Point taken, Jealousy….point well taken.
It makes me ponder the question: Does one emotion fuel the other, or can you be a jealous person and also be completely confident at the same time?
If you have always been insecure, then the origin could be a mystery to you, but you might remember feeling less than or not good enough from a very young age. For others, insecurity only starts to get the best of you when you start dating or entering the job market. As adults, being rejected time after time can seriously affect your psyche. You try to be the best version of yourself at all times, and when it doesn’t work out, you internalize all of that rejection as a commentary on who you are as a person. You say to yourself, “If these people found it necessary to get rid of me, then I must be the one with the problem.”
Why do insecurity and jealousy go hand in hand? For many, there is the pervasive fear of rejection, and that it is due to something we said or did. If you are feeling jealousy over your partner’s actions, perhaps you feel it is a result of you not being enough, and that you are not fulfilling something they need. All of that awful self-talk makes you feel like you need to be better, and that if you were better or different, you would never get hurt again.
Jealousy has been named the only vice that gives no pleasure. It doesn’t make anyone feel good, that's for sure. If anything, in personifying Jealousy as an unwanted tenant, it could make you realize how much it is really Insecurity that’s paying the rent, and who has got to get out first. Jealousy will then follow suit.
My advice is to stop the negative self talk, and rally the trust troops. Trust that when your loved ones tells you that you are enough, they really mean it. Trust that when you make a decision, it’s a good one, and that you know what’s best for yourself. If you live each day with a Texas sized ego, you just might be able to kick jealousy out for good.
Iago:
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o'er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!
-Shakespeare’s Othello, 1604
We are living in divisive times, and we can see this division being played out right before our very eyes. And you know why? Because, no matter the topic, we tend to default to a place of defensive communication, as opposed to leaning into curiosity and feelings.