Identity Crisis: Losing Touch with Yourself and Finding Your Way Back

Sometimes, you look at yourself in the mirror and barely recognize yourself. But don't turn away. Look deep into your own eyes and recognize that you've lost your sense of identity.

Our identity is who we are at our core. It's an incredibly important and personal element that we must be in touch with at all times. A day where we don't know what we believe in—when our moral compass is going this way and that—can be incredibly painful. But why does it happen?

We lose our way for a variety of reasons. And if we can identify any of them, we can gain a clearer understanding of why we're feeling outside of our selves.

Coping with Trauma and Grief

If you have experienced any type of trauma and/or loss and not processed it correctly, it can lead to dissociation as a coping method. This is when you can have your body in one place while your mind is elsewhere – either actively or passively. Dissociation can be a beneficial technique when feeling overwhelmed. But it leaves you feeling disconnected from your life and allows you to make important decisions from outside your body. Therapy, meditation, and yoga are great methods for dealing with trauma and loss.

Feeling Abused/Gaslit

Sometimes, we find ourselves in toxic relationships where we have been emotionally abused. And a quiet form of abuse, called “gaslighting,” is where the victim is made to feel as though he or she is crazy. This is a long process and can be quite hard to detect. But any time your feelings about (or understanding of) a situation is belittled or undermined, you're being gaslit. But when you're told your perception is wrong for so long, it can lead to distrust in yourself. But this can force us to lose touch with your own ethics and morality. Trust your feelings!

Being a Chameleon

Who doesn't want to fit in with any type of group at any given time? And some can shape our interests, preferences, and needs to best align with those around us. But while this can be an endearing trait, it can make it hard to know what you really enjoy for yourself. When you shape your personality around fitting in with others, it means that you put your needs last. Don't be the last person on your priority list; otherwise, you'll lose sight of yourself.

Pleasing People

This is similar to being a chameleon. While it's great to amenable, it can mean existing solely to meet the needs of others. When that happens, you aren’t taking the time to understand what you want in your own life. If you feel as though people interact with you just to get what they want, you can end up feeling resentment towards them – and yourself!

It’s important to recognize this: the people who truly care about you will want to know what YOU want.

Being Indecisive

Our personality is ever-expanding. But some traits are solidified in childhood. If you grow up in an environment without a decisive role model, you might learn that leaning on others to make decisions is the best thing to do. You must learn to pay attention to your own preferences, then assert them when needed. However, it is quite challenging to simply begin to get in touch with what you want. You're a human, not a light switch! Instead, it takes some re-programming to truly identify with our desires, and have the decisiveness to act on them.

How to Find Your Way Back

If you’ve lost touch with your identity—for these reasons or any others—try the simple exercise of being honest with yourself with every decision you make – and start small. Go to the store and ask yourself which type of ice cream or brand of coffee you prefer. Try out different things until you realize that you have a preference, and then assert that preference with yourself. Then, the next time someone asks you how you feel or what you want to do, be honest with yourself by expressing your need. It can be uncomfortable at first, but you'll eventually get used to naming your preferences – which will lead to learning more about who you are at your core and what drives you.

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