Gray Matters: How to Stop Thinking in Black and White
Thinking of things in terms of black and white can seriously hinder our personal growth and progress. The simple reason is because it's extremely limiting. When we're unsure about something, black or white thinking keeps us standing in place.
Ever since I wrote a paper about the subject in college, I've called all the limitless space between black and white "living in the gray." It can be uncomfortable, sure, but only if we're out of practice.
As a drama therapist, part of what I do is get people into that gray area. By roleplaying and imagining different circumstances or being a different person, we can open ourselves up to exploring the gray area.
Typically, we spend our lives bogged down by logic and facts and analytical processing. But we also have that ever-present desire to be creative, playful, and imaginative. The first step is accepting that fact and being willing to let it into our life at some level.
How to Get to the Gray
Interestingly, there are some things in life with no clear-cut answer. No matter how many different angles we play with the concept, we can never contemplate it outside of the gray area. And that's okay! Because every minute spent freeing ourselves from black and white thinking helps us come to a better understanding, even if the issue stays complex, nuanced, uncertain.
Further, two things can be right simultaneously.
So, how do we move forward from that seemingly impassable understanding? If two things can be right, how can we use that to make decisions?
The gray area between black and white is a place where we can think outside of the box. But this likely requires us to do things we don't consider "adult behavior," even though a bit of immaturity can help us explore the gray area to our heart's content.
Living in the gray area is, at its simplest, being openminded. It's avoiding words like:
Always
Never
Everything
Nothing
And using these words instead:
Sometimes
Often
Every once in a while
Some things
A few things
It's freeing ourselves from declarative extremes. It's taking a break from the 24-7 pressure of hustle, hustle, hustle and allowing ourselves time to have fun, let loose, take a breath, and reflect. Whether that means exploring artistic pursuits, roleplaying at a drama therapy session, or going on vacation, it can get break us out of limited thinking.
Black and white thoughts are a quick and easy way to move onto the next thing, but it doesn't help us with our personal development. The good thing is that a lot of the pressure to perform at our highest, most analytical level is self-inflicted. By looking at freely expressing or relaxing as a success rather than a failure, we can facilitate growth without shirking responsibilities.
A balanced life is essential to dealing with, learning from, and moving on from issues big and small. Why not start today?
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Haruki Murakami: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
This complicated life that we lead is incredibly painful. Loss, grief, anger, transition…all things that cause us to stretch and grow also cause emotional discomfort. In fact, even the most beautiful experiences can feel bittersweet at times. Yet, when we try to avoid pain, we find ourselves experiencing a different type of discomfort: the sadness of a life not fully lived. As the quote says: “pain is inevitable” and that means there is no way around it. The only way is THROUGH.